As the grip of social media dies out, we’re going to have to go somewhere.

Let’s flash back to 2022. I was on the phone with a friend of mine.

“Ugh, I hate clubbing,” she said to me as we chatted on the phone. “I mean, it’s way too loud now. There’s this weird pretense that you’ve got to have the right shoes. Bouncers are dicks.”

I awkwardly shrugged, though she couldn’t hear the shrug on the phone. But, I understood it. Nightlife has been dying a slow, painful death since the pandemic — and rightfully so, to a point.

“You know, you have a point. It’s gotten so expensive that it just doesn’t make sense to go out anymore,” I said. I then changed the subject.

As a long-term clubkid of the New York/New Jersey scenes, I have seen my fair share of parties.

If you’ve read my writing, you know I have a long, storied, drama-filled history with nightlife. After all, I’ve got a growing suspicion that Rockstar Games went to a party my old rave crew threw to get inspiration for the Fooliganz crew.

(Author’s Side Note: The similarities are nothing short of uncanny. They just, uh, covered half of us in clown paint and luchador merch, then gave us a mascot called Dildodude.

It’s hard to explain how they got carbon copies of me, my ex-boyfriend, his other ex-girlfriend known for Jello wrestling, our other friend, a friend of ours who moved to the West Coast, and my other ex-boyfriend, plus a warehouse that was almost identical to the one we used to throw parties in.)

With that said, I’ve been an active clubkid in underground rave scenes, hip hop scenes, goth scenes, and fetish scenes for about 18 years of my life. Hell, I even married a DJ who was wingmaned by a promoter/B-Boy friend of ours.

I’ve been part of nightlife in New York in ways that others haven’t. I’ve stepped on Kevin Carpet. I’ve hung out with old heads from Limelight. I was at Crobar during a shooting. I went to Exit before it was shut down. Hell, I even smoked with Afrika Bambaataa one time.

And I’ll be honest: clubbing is not what it used to be. Parties were far cheaper, bottle service was nonexistent unless you were at a strip club, a ratchet club, or a Hollywood club, people were friendlier, and the drugs were far better.

As a long-term nightlife person, I’m not surprised that nightlife is dying in so many cities.

I personally haven’t gone to a rave in about six months, give or take. I also haven’t willingly gone to any hard techno shows unless my husband was playing them for about a year — though I did attend some dubstep and goth shows.

The truth is, there are multiple reasons for this. The nightlife industry forgot what made nightlife good and focused too much on money.

Bottle service is stupid, and so are the prices of drinks and admission.

Most people who go out weekly can’t afford to get a damn stupid $200 bottle unless they bring a large crowd of people. Most people earn an income of around $28 an hour.

So, why are places like Webster Hall and 1Oak charging $25 a drink and $10,000 a bottle? You don’t get regulars or high attendance with bloated prices!

People are starting to call out bottle service as bullshit, and rightfully so.

It’s not a flex to be the guy who drops $2,000 a night at a club. It just means you’re likely being used for your money by your “friends” or that you’re really bad with cash.

Tables are not supposed to be in every club.

You know what clubs are meant to be for? Dancing, talking, drinking at a bar, and maybe holding a girl’s hair while she does coke off a toilet seat like a normal person does.

Tables are great for restaurants, not clubs. And while some clubs have done well with bringing food onto the menu, it’s really not what should be at a club. That’s how puke happens.

People are sick of being told to “dress to impress.”

As a nightlife person, I can’t help but notice that the clubs that have those bitchy dress codes tend to have the most godawful, pretentious people in them. No one ever seems to enjoy going to those clubs except to say they went there.

A good club doesn’t care what people wear as long as they bring good vibes and have fun. That’s when people tend to dress to impress — because it’s fun!

Venues keep getting shut down “because of property values.”

This is a huge issue in New York City, and it’s gotten to the point where nightclub owners are choosing to move out of the city because of it.

Real estate developers are killing the local culture, and there’s serious pushback for it. Thankfully, I’ve started to see certain cities stand up for their venues because they realize it’s a major attraction.

The music is getting loud and obnoxious for no reason.

Yes, nightclubs have always been loud. No, they’ve not always been this loud. People used to be able to talk in a club without having their voice get blown out.

Yes, club music can always be obnoxious. No, I don’t want to go to a club to hear the same stupid cockadoody foghorn interrupt the song over and over again.

With all those factors, it’s not surprising that social media and at-home hangouts started becoming the big thing.

2020 just sped up what was already happening. People were getting sick of the way nightlife was behaving. Nightlife became this awful, elitist money trap that became the bane of every financial planner’s existence.

The mid-2010s into the 2020s marked an era when most people turned to social media, apps, forums, and in-house hangouts to meet people. For a while, it honestly looked like this would be the new status quo.

However, I started to notice something happening: people started deleting social media and putting time limits on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook. X is turning into a hellhole.

Above all, I noticed that people are telling people to “touch grass.”

An active, in-person social life is the new status symbol — not the million followers on Instagram.

If you’ve sighed to yourself and thought about how much you miss hanging out with friends, you’re not alone. I keep hearing and seeing this among my friends, coworkers, and even random acquaintances.

We’re starting to see a new era of meetups, community events, and invite-only social clubs. And yet, there’s something that feels amiss. While meetups are starting to scratch that social itch, it’s not quite the same.

People are starting to miss certain aspects of clubbing as they remembered it. They miss being able to chat people up at the bar. They miss being able to sing choruses of songs, being able to dance, being able to dress up in neat outfits.

They just don’t want the other crap that comes with clubbing: the loud music, the pounding headaches, the drama, the sketchy people, and the high prices for the privilege of it.

Nightlife is a young person’s thing because that’s where so many people found their communities. That’s where so many people go to blow off steam. Sometime in the 2010s, it just became a race to see who could be snootier than who.

I can’t help but start to notice a new breed of nightlife popping up: private clubbing.

In my area, there’s a new private nightclub where entry requires membership. It’s not the only one to do this. Swingers clubs also have been doing this for ages, and yes, you pay a fee monthly or annually to become a member.

Online, apps like Parlour Social are starting to offer up private social events at restaurants they rent for the night. Movements like Silent Disco give you a way to rave without making noise, allowing you to decompress as you see fit.

They’re community-oriented because you literally have to apply to get in. And sometimes, paying the monthly fee is cheaper than actually going out for a night on the town.

It’s not just private clubs; public nightlife options are changing too.

The new wave of nightlife is quieter than the booms of 2012. And they’re cheaper.

These nightclubs are meant to be friendly for both individuals and groups to go to. At times, they aren’t even clubs. Rather, they’re event companies like Lunar Faire that throw biweekly community shows you can sign up for at a variety of venues.

They often give you a place to relax away from the loud noise, no judgment given for your need to “duck out.” After all, it’s a smart business move when people are suffering from social anxiety in record numbers.

Oh, and drinks? While you might see drink menus, drinking is not how most new clubs make their money. They often will make it through membership fees (if they charge them), merch, and, yes, occasional collaborations with local vendors.

They’re meant to act as communities, ones that generally only oust you if you fuck up badly. And, in many cases, they’re more affordable than going to old-school clubs these days.

But, don’t be fooled — the oontz, oontz isn’t going to fully disappear.

Love it or hate it, old-style nightclubs with ear-splitting volumes, bottle service, and Instagram-friendly influencer vibes are not going anywhere. They literally can’t go anywhere. They’re a staple in the music industry for professionals.

These kind of clubs, a quick harkening back to the “superclubs” of the early 90s and 2000s, are where industry professionals meet. They’ve become expensive to keep regular Joe Schmoes away. If you don’t like those clubs, it’s often because they are meant to dissuade you from going regularly.

The thing is, these kinds of clubs have changed. They’ve become, more or less, concert venues for big names and places where entertainment professionals go to network.

The underground camaraderie? The blowing off of steam? The community? Yeah, not really a thing there in most cases. That’s no longer a part of their business model.

The superclub style is going to be around, sure. It just won’t be as common as it once was. As for me? I’m hoping we’ll find a happy medium between megaclubs and quiet social clubs, cause Lord knows we need it.