Ragged Riches

So, let’s say that you’re in a situation that you never expected to be: you got fleeced by an online dating scam. You got catfished. You sent money or nudes or both and now the person vanished.

Maybe you’re like my friend and had a moment of weakness. You just wanted to feel like someone found you attractive. You needed that moment where you actually felt like someone wanted you and you had a little leap of faith with money…only to get burned.

Here’s my street-smart guide to get ahead of the damage and repair your life.

Immediate Steps to Take

1. Cut Contact Immediately And Do Not Pay Them

Once you’ve confirmed you’re being catfished, stop all communication. Don’t give them a chance to manipulate you further with explanations or promises. Or rather, do not ANSWER their texts or calls.

Every time you answer them, you risk on

Do Not Pay Them

If they demanded money from you, do not pay a dime. No, I don’t care what they threatened to do. Most catfishes will not act on those threats and the material they have on you is generally not going to be as life-ending as you think it is. The less material you sent, the better.

Even if they do act on it, you’re likely not going to be in as bad a situation as you think.

Most of the time, people are very understanding about the whole “nudes being sent” thing. Now, if you were trying to cheat on your spouse and got wrapped up in a catfish dating scam, that’s on you and you may have more issues to deal with than just finances alone.

Do Damage Control

Okay, let’s say that you’re in the worst-case scenario. Not only did you fall for a catfish dating scam, but you fell for an extortionist dating scam. This is a time that you do the following:

1. Tell your employer and family what happened. I would actually make a public post to explain what happened and what’s up. Explain that you were a victim, that they extorted this out of you, and that you ask that they don’t open messages from randos. If they already saw it at work, the most you can say is that you’re a crime victim…because that is true!
2. Ask recipients to report and document the evidence to police. This can actually help strengthen the criminal case and also help you get a civil suit on the way in some rare cases.
3. Make all your socials private. Do not give them time to access your list of friends and family.

2. Document Everything

Before blocking them, the catfish might prattle on a little more. Wait for them to finish because sometimes, they slip up and say something. If you’re feeling like they won’t say much else, it’s time to actually hit the block button.

Once you’re certain the full conversation is done, do the following:

1. Take screenshots of all conversations. Get as much of the conversation evidence as possible.
2. Take screenshots of the transactions. It’s a good idea to call your bank and tell them the situation. Their fraud department can also guide you on what to do.

3. Report the Scam

Now comes the “fun” part, which is reporting the scam to authorities. There are four main places you need to make the report so that other people don’t get hurt.

• The platform where you met them (dating app, social media, etc.)
• Your local police department if money was involved
• The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) at www.ic3.gov
• The Federal Trade Commission at reportfraud.ftc.gov

It’s important to recognize something about this: for the most part, police officers won’t

4. Protect Your Finances

If you’ve sent money or given them your bank account, shame on you! I told you not to! Well, not you have more issues to deal with.

Your Bank

If you ended up paying a catfish, call the bank and explain your situation. Now would be a good time to ask if you can reverse the charge.

If you made the ultimate mistake of giving away your bank login information, your bank account numbers, or similar, FREEZE YOUR ACCOUNTS RIGHT NOW. Do it immediately. Tell the bank what happened because they will need to issue you a brand new account, debit card, ad more.

For the next six months, you are going to have to watch your bank accounts like a hawk.

All Online Sites

If you gave the catfish any details of logins, you need to change the password for all your potentially fraudulent accounts. Monitor any accounts (and any that use the same username or password) for suspicious activity.

If you haven’t done so already, consider adding 2-Factor Authorization for your sites.

Credit Bureaus

You should call all three credit bureaus to report fraud on your account. There are four main sites you can use.

• AnnualCreditReport.com. This is the official website for obtaining free annual credit reports from all three bureaus. It’s the best place to start. This is also a good place to go if you need to get a credit report once a year or if you want to reach out to all three major bureaus at the same time.
• Experian. This is the main site for Experian, a key credit bureau. You can go to them directly for all things related to Experian-based credit.
• Equifax. Equifax is the second site that is linked to a main credit bureau.
• TransUnion. TransUnion have their own ratings as well.

In addition to visiting their websites, you can also ring up their phone lines which are readily available on the sites.

So What Now?

Let’s be real. Catfishing sucks and it preys on desperation and naivete. If you got catfished, you were either naive or desperate, or both. If this happened, the best thing you can do for yourself is to take a break from online dating. Don’t take it personally, if you can.

A lot of people are really messed up in the head. And it’s not your fault if you got fooled because you wanted to be loved and cared for. If you’re really down bad, I’d actually suggest reaching out to others to talk about how you feel or even consider getting a sugar relationship.

The truth is that it’s a jungle out there. And while you now know what to watch out for, the sting doesn’t always go away right then and there. At the very least, you can take solace that you are not alone in that feeling.